64
by ssquirrel21
Summary: A simple but somewhat strange story based on the famous Super Mario 64. R&r, but no flames please. T for safety, and a LITTLE bit of language. Never expected Mario to cuss, did you? Muahaha.
1. Mario

I awoke from an unclear (and all the more freaky) nightmare. My surroundings proved to be surprising, for last I checked I was fixing a sink in Tuscany. Now, I was in the middle of a field next to a lake. To my left I could make out the silhouette of a tall tower, along with a floating creature that I recognized as a Lakitu, a flying camera wielding being that… filmed… my… every move…

Either way, I got up and turned towards the castle doors. Being summer, the sand in front of the castle was hot, an the trees leaves were browning. Calmly, I crossed the bridge, marveling at the sight of the waterfall beside the castle's southeast wall. There was a large stained glass mosaic perched atop the castle, depicting a beautiful woman whom caught my eye. Below it, a sign read "Peach".

I relaxed in the shade of the castle for a moment before pushing open the door.

First, I'll blab on for a little bit. Yes, I'm Mario. That fat Italian plumber with the red cap and the denim overalls. Just to bring back some pleasant memories, I'll start my story with a saying.

"_It's me, Mario!_"

I digress.

The castle, inside, painted all colors. Talk about unmanly carpenters. I mean, for gods sake, it's a castle, not Disneyworld. It seemed to be decorated festively with stars, which I found always sitting in the corner of my eye. Always. Wow.

I took a long look around, taking in the doors with numbers on them and the trees painted on the walls. Also, I found my adrenaline somewhat higher when inside the castle. I could jump right over the staircase across the hall. The music was appealing, though, and my skills were advancing.

I concluded that I like this castle.

Then I noticed a note lying on the ground. It read "Mario, Bowser has kidnapped me and trapped me beneath the castle. You must defeat him on three scales to save me. Please hurry!" It was signed _Peach_, who I assumed to be the girl from the stained glass window.

Save a princess? Crap. I can't even save my own money. I can just see the headlines now: _Plumber loses game, life_.

I stepped into the center of the room and took a look around, guessing that The numbers on the doors indicated how many stars you needed to get in. The roof was at least 100 feet above me, if not more, and the entire floor was velvet carpeted. Peach's parents must be loaded, I thought as I walked toward the only door without a number on it. To my surprise, it opened with ease. Feeling both mischievous and happy, I walked in,

On the wall was a simple yet elegant painting. It was of three circular bombs, marching in form. I examined it, giving it a light touch to see what it was made of.

Apparently, nothing. I was immediately sucked into the wall, passed through a matrix of number and shapes that I couldn't decipher before being thrown violently onto the grassy field, next to a stone pedestal. I jumped up and looked around, studying the landscape.

"Hi! I'll prepare the cannon for you!" came a voice behind me. I whirled around, hardly getting a chance to study the seemingly endless landscape, and found the most disturbing and ironic thing I think I'll ever see.

A pink bomb.

Now, I'm no soldier, but I don't think bombs are usually pink. Did they want their enemies to know that they were happy before they died? And to have a face… well, that's just wrong. And knowing these guys, I can only imagine what Bowser would look like…

Either way, I replied awkwardly. "Umm… I was a-wondering… where am I?"

"Bomb-omb battlefield, my fat Italian friend!" I was annoyed by his response, but shook it off, and, in the adventurous spirit of Mario, stepped onto the stone pedestal.

"Hey, what does this d-" I was cut off when I fell hard into a hole, and then into a cylindrical and metal… well, cylinder. It rose out of the ground, and from behind I heard a fire being lit.

"Hey! What is this? Ow! What bit me?" I raged until I heard an explosion behind me, and was shot out of the machine (it's a cannon, for all of the nimrods who didn't figure it out) and flew across the landscape, taking pleasure in the sight but not in the fire that had been lit on my ass.

When I was about to shoot directly over a floating island carrying a single tree, I pushed out my arm, finding it easy to grab the tree and land on the island. Seeing another hole, I made a mental note to avoid cannons.

Then I noticed an orange box sitting on the ground, ad gave it a light push. It shattered before my eyes, revealing a bright star. Unsurely, I touched it, and immediately went through another Matrix sequence only to return to, you guessed it, the castle hall.

I guess that defines what to do for the rest of my life here… or maybe not.


	2. Luigi and the Chain Chomp

I wandered around the castle. Having visited the "floating isle in the sky" and taking a short ride on the secret racetrack, I had nothing else to do but walk. As my boredom grew, I decided to return to the Bomb-omb battlefield and gather some more information about the place.

After leaping into the painting and going through the matrix, I landed atop the bridge. I jumped on the heads of several pint-sized brown monsters, flattening them, and then jumped off the side of the bridge, planning to strike up a conversation with a pink bomb. Hey, it gets lonely here!

I landed, awkwardly, on a red box, breaking it hard, as I had done with many other boxes. A hat with, yes, wings on either side slid out.

"Hey… uh… anyone want to claim this hat?" I shouted, although not planning to get a reply. Why would a bomb want a hat anyway?

I picked up the winged hat and placed it on my head, replacing the old one. Jumping up a little, I found that it didn't make me fly, so it seemed useless. I didn't bother taking it off as I took a triple jump to get into the cannon faster.

I discovered that, by jumping that fast, the hat took me to the skies. In a moment, I was flying.

It was an incredible feeling. I shot into the air, losing all feeling as I flew through the battlefield sky. I saw everything, from a strange cannonball looking beast to an enormous bomb-omb atop a tower. Several cannons, and a huge array of red coins spread throughout. Finally, I spotted a moving green and blue dot on the bottom. Getting more experience with flying, I soared down to stone pedestal near the dot (which turned out to be a person).

My hat disappeared when I landed. I hid behind the stone pedestal, grabbing my old hat from my pocket. The man, a little taller than me but almost identical, was taunting the cannonball creature, who was a lot larger than he had looked from the air. He waited for the beast to strike before dashing past him, diving to grab a red coin of a wood post, and then sprinted off. I followed taught.

He was apparently gathering red coins. After grabbing a series of them, a star shot towards him. He snatched it out of the air, then set off towards the spiraling plateau which towered over the field. When he had started ascending it, I got moving, dashing across several cannonballs before finding him.

Cannonballs rolled towards us the whole time. He jumped over them, while I dodged them.

We were nowhere near the top before he stepped into a crevice and disappeared. Fascinated and intrigued, I hopped into the crevice myself. Turning around, I found that we were at least 100 feet higher.

I stepped out of the crevice and continued walking, but stopped when I realized that he might be able to see me.

He was atop the plateau, fighting the huge bomb-omb. When the beast attacked, he did an intense backflip, and then he slid on his side behind the bomb-omb. He picked it up and threw it across the plateau, then dashing forward and making a final blow. The beast was done.

A star appeared just as I revealed myself. He wasn't surprised, and I guessed that he knew that I had been following him. I said nothing about it, though.

"That was amazing!" I exclaimed, shocked that he had just beaten that thing. "How did you do that?"

He turned to speak. "It was easy. I have done that many times, yet the stars keep coming." He held his hand out. "Luigi," he said.

"Mario." I replied, shaking his hand. "And how did you beat that dog thing down there?"

"I'll show you," he said, turning to the edge. "When you hit the ground, land on your butt. Try to land around that yellow ramp, the one with the cannonballs rolling down it." Before I could say anything, he had jumped directly over the edge. I ran to catch him.

He sailed down the air, landing in a cannon, which shot him right back up. I was amazed at the obvious skilled exampled. Realizing that I was still on the hill, I jumped too, aiming for the ramp he had pointed out.

It was harder than I had expected. I landed next to the ramp, but my butt cushioned it. After getting up, Luigi walked over to me and spoke.

"Are you okay? It's hardest the first time. Don't sit down for a couple of days." He then led me to the big dog-like cannonball, or the chain chomp, as a sign read.

"What do we do?" I asked him, noticing the star behind a cage.

"Here. When I run up to him, he'll attack me. That's when you jump on the post, and try to tear it out. Jump on your stomach and slide out of the way when he tries to attack you," He demonstrated how to slide on my stomach.

"Okey Dokey," I said enthusiastically. He dashed forward, and the chain chomp tried to bite him. Immediately after, I ran up to the post and pulled it out of the ground, lifting the cage. Luigi distracted the chain chomp as I grabbed the star in the cage and slid on my stomach to the nearest cannon, ready to run.

"Okay, I forgot that that would let him off his leash…" Luigi trailed off as he ran up next to me.

"I'll get in this cannon and go to the island. Can you jump from the plateau to there?" I asked him, lowering myself into the cannon.

"Probably," he replied. "Meet me there."

"I heard the fuse being lit on the cannon, and the cannon itself being directed towards the island. I sucked in a breath of air as I was shot through the sky, looking down upon the raging chain chomp. He chased Luigi up the spiraling plateau, crushing bomb-ombs all the while, and I made a mental resolution not to touch anything more here, feeling deeply sorry for the bomb-ombs, both pink and black.

Soon I landed on the island. Luigi was on the plateau, trying to find out how to get onto where I was.

"Just make a gap leap! Or take that cannon!" I shouted at him. He took a running start and did a double front flip, landing perfectly atop the tree.

"How do we get rid of it?" I demanded, looking at the chain chomp who was getting ready to jump.

"Umm… put on that hat. When it gets over here, just drop over the edge. Either he'll go after me, and I'll jump, or he'll go after you and fall."

"Got it." I said as the chain chomp jumped over the gap, landed on the island. I jumped onto the tree and dropped over the side of the island, with the chain chomp closely following. I didn't coast on a gust until the last second, pulling up just feet from the ground. The chain chomp slammed into the ground, forming a large crater. Bomb-ombs crowded around to look at him. Luigi dropped onto his dome and slid down, on the other side. I had no idea how the bomb-ombs would react.

The pink bomb-ombs seemed joyful, and began to rejoice. The black ones began raging, and one began screaming.

"He killed our leader!" I heard. "The chain chomp is dead!"

"We should leave" Luigi shouted to me. I nodded, and we moved towards two separate cannons, to fire ourselves outside the boundaries of the area and thus back to the castle. It took mere seconds to shoot the two of us into the matrix which le us back to the castle. The last thoughts I had were of what the black bomb-ombs (no, that's not meant to be racist) were capable of, and what we had just done to their society. We were outcasts.


	3. Disclaimer

Well, I just realized that, in fact, I put no disclaimer on this story! So, umm… I don't know if we, like, _have_ to put one on, but I guess I should so that I'm not 1: Sued, or possibly 2: Eaten by Fanfiction writers. Cannibalistic Fanfiction writers. So, here it goes:

Disclaimer: I do not own Mario, Luigi, Peach, flying chain chomps, bomb-ombs, Bowser, Daisy, Baby Mario, Wario, the Piranha Plant, Toad, that eel thing from the sunken ship level, the concept of getting stars to open doors, anything involving Mcdonalds, a short stack of pancakes, a director's chair, poofy pants, a Dell computer, Koopa's road, Donkey Kong, Criss Angel's show, or a geeky "The Goonies" T-shirt.

Although I do own a hat. It is green.

Thnx 4 listening ppl! I just wanted to get that out of my system.


	4. Koopa's Road

Upon landing in the castle, Luigi and I ran upstairs.

"Maybe if we kill Bowser, we can also take out his army." Luigi suggested, thinking of a way to defeat his army.

"Well, if we can just get back Peach, I can leave this World."

"But you have to kill Bowser and destroy his army first! You can't just leave me here to fight alone!" Luigi's face was as red as my hat, both with worry, anxiety, and dull anger.

"Alright! Alright! I'll stay here to fight Bowser and his army with you. After all, I don't even think there's a way out for me to use."

Just then there was a knock at the door. Luigi moved to open it. I didn't think about who would come out this far.

The door swung open, and then I heard it slam.

At the door had been Bowser's guards, minions of Bowser somewhat resembling giant cats. They wore spiked toboggans with their ears popping out, and had durable but strong chain mail with Bowser's military crest on them, two swords crossing with a golden star behind them. Most of them carried spears, but some had other weapons, swords and maces. The ones here fit that description, minus one, whom wore an eyepatch, had but one ear, and wore a simple black armor suit.

I knew who it was before the door even moved, and _after_ I asked Luigi.

"Who-" I was cut off by Luigi.

"Guards." He said quickly. "Run."

In half a second I was sprinting away. I tries to open the basement door but found it locker, thus I followed Luigi upstairs, sweating. I heard the door break down and several people pour in, metal clinking, probably swords. The automatic door with a star on it slid open, and we dashed through. I noticed a painting of Peach at the end and, although frantic, I sprinted past Luigi towards it.

Before I had even gotten halfway there, the ground… well, opened. I snatched at the air, trying to get a hold on the carpet. Luigi also fell through, just as frightened as me. I began breathing hard, my lungs turning to curds, before I was shocked into submission by the landing.

"Leave them. They'll never survive Koopa's Road!" I heard one of the guards shout from above. I landed hard on a concrete platform, with Luigi somewhere next to me.

Immediately, I jumped to my feet and looked around. We were on a long array of… things. I don't know how to explain it, for every inch was different.

"Where do we go?" I asked Luigi as he got up and brushed himself off.

"We just follow the road." He replied calmly. "Then we meet Bowser."

I had guessed that he would say that. Sure hope I don't die.

"This is the road to Bowser?" I exclaimed, with both fear and excitement.

"More or less, yes. Then we have to take him out."

I nodded and turned to the road, ready for anything.

(But the chapter doesn't end there)

The beginning was easy enough. A plank of wood, jumping over a torch.

"I've got it. Jump off the edge, and land on that spiral thing. I'll take the long route, and destroy the enemies," I suggested. He nodded.

I took the alternate route, having to derail several torches and knives. Soon I reached a platform of guards, and, carefully ascended the stairs.

"Hey, Bowser bird!" I screamed. They all turned, just as I tackled one and threw him over the edge. The others went at me with their spears, and jumped over them, grasping the head of a spear. Using the soldier as a fulcrum, I easily tossed him far out over the darkness.

I did a backflip just as the last one tried to stab me, and then kicked him in the back. He fell into the nothingness, and I moved on across the bridge. I hopped onto a wheel, which then took me to a final square of floating, well… diamonds.

I jumped onto the tip of one, balancing carefully. It took me around to the next platform, which I jumped atop, and then rode to the final pipe, which Luigi jumped next to soon after.

"Here we go," he said readily.

"I guess so."

He lifted himself onto the pipe's side and dropped into Bowser's battlefield. In moments, I did the same.


	5. Bowser in the Dark World

We landed on a large circular platform… or maybe it was a dodecagon… anyway, we landed on a platform, surrounded by floating posts. I noticed that four of them had spiky, blue bombs on them, and I guessed that was where Bowser's head went.

Speaking of Bowser…

He marched through the center of the platform, "He" meaning Bowser. He was a humongous dragon looking beast, a creature more wide than tall but slouching. He had a green shell on his back, with ivory looking spikes protruding from it, resembling the bombs. His reptilian skin was yellow, with a red hairstyle like a Mohawk and studded metal armbands all up and down his arms. He had a matching on his neck, and his horns made him look like Satan. I guessed that he was somewhat the equivalent of Satan here.

The entire platform was made up of blue tiles, and the surrounding darkness resembled the matrix we went through to enter a new world. When Bowser walked, the platform shook.

"How do we kill him?" I whispered to Luigi as Bowser turned to face us.

"Umm… I guess we throw him into the bombs. I have an idea. You go that way, I'll go this way. The one of us that he doesn't go after can grab his tail and throw him on a bomb. Got it?" I nodded in reply and waited for Bowser to acknowledge us. He did so with a roar, and that was when we took our plan into action. Luigi went to the left, and I to the right. Bowser, with a growl, went after Luigi. I looked at him, and then made a swift left turn to catch Bowser's tail. Luigi, scowling, moved to the left enough so that it was easy for me to get a hold on Bowser's tail. Feeling me, he struggled, but I had a good enough grip on his tail to start spiraling around.

"Aughh!" I screamed as the horns on Bowser's tail pierced my hand. I aimed at a bomb and, with a grunt, released Bowser from my hands. He shot through the air and into the matrix.

"Nice." Said Luigi. Unluckily, I was pretty sure we weren't done here.

"He's not dead," I said to him. Just then, Bowser came flying back. He hit Luigi head on, and he went sailing across the platform. I jumped onto Bowser's back, kicking him skillfully in the neck and then in the shoulder, frantically. I then jumped off, panting, and when Bowser went after me it gave me a chance for Luigi to escape. He ran to the pther side of the platform, doing a large leap across and atop Bowser.

"Jump off!" I shouted. "I have an idea!"

Luigi fell onto his back, waving his arms. I got behind Bowser and swung him around, releasing him once more, this time into a bomb. An incredible fireball, the biggest I've ever seen, exploded into the darkness, lighting up the entire space. At the top was Bowser, flailing his arms crazily. He then sailed back to the tiles, causing a crater where he landed. Luigi and I ran up to him, listening to the following rambling.

"You have defeated me. But there are two more to follow, and they will kill you. We still have Peach, who you will never see again. Keep trying."

He then disintegrated into a single golden key, which I retrieved and pocketed.

"How do we get out?" I asked.

"I'm guessing we just jump off," he answered, weighing the odds.

We glanced at each other anxiously before dashing at the edge and, at the same moment, bounding off into the darkness.


End file.
